mrhanky the christmas poo: early '50s recording lyrics

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
And we all know Frosty whose made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
'cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him between your festive buns

A present from down below
Spreading joy with a "howdy ho"
He's seen the love inside of you
Coz he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's nutty
Sometimes he's corny
He can be brown or greenish-brown (Mmm Mmm)
But if you eat fibre on Christmas eve he might come to your town

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
He loves me I love you
Therefore vicariously he loves you
I can make a Mr Hankey too!
(fart noise)

Cartman
Well Kyle where is he?

Kyle
He's comin'

Stan
C'mon dude push!

Kyle
Im trying!

Cartman
Oh wait wait I can see his head!

Kyle
HERE HE COMES!!
(fart noise)

Mr. Hankey
HOWDY HO!
I'm mr. hankey the Christmas Poo
Seasons greetings to all of you
Let's sing songs and dance and play
Now before I melt away
Here's a game I like to play
Stick me in your mouth and try to say
Howdey ho ho yum yum yum
Christmas time has come!

Sometimes he's runny
Sometimes he's firm
Sometimes he's practically water
Sometime he hangs off the end of your ass
and won't fall in the toilet
coz he's just clinging to your sphincter
and he wont drop off and so you
shake your ass around and try to get it to drop in the toilet
and finally it does

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
When Christmas leaves he must leave too
Flush him down but he's never gone
His smell and his spirit lingers on....

Howdy ho!