if lyrics

If I was your TV I'd be like,"Look at me"
If I was a shootin' star I'd be like,"Peace"
If I was a fat bitches thong I'd be like,"Hell naw'
If I was a hotties thong I'd be like,"Aww"

If I was a cuss word I'd just be like,"Fuck"
If I was a rock on the moon I'd be chillin' like,"Sup?"
If I was a butthole I'd just be an exit
If I was the D.O.C. I'd be like,"Man this is bullshit"

If I was the tires on your car I'd be like,"Neaw"
If I was the bumper on your car I'd be like,"Aww fuck"
If I was a balloon I'd be like,"Pap"
If I was Allysa Milano I'd be fuckin' Joe Bruce

If I was a radio DJ I'd probably say,"The point 103"
If I was a richy ass bitch I'd be like,"Umm, okay"
If I was Spin' magazine I'd put me on the cover and be like,"Fuck us
And all our readers, even us motherfucker"

If I was your mental stress I'd be catchin' up
If I was your headaches every now and then I'd be like,"Thonk"
If I was your tongue I'd be hatin' your teeth
I'd be like,"Man why do you try to bite me every time we try to eat?"

If I was a chair I'd be like,"Sit here"
If I was Kid Rock I'd cut my feathered wolf hair
If I was your muffler I'd be like,"Shhh, quietly"
If I was a price tag I'd be like,"You ain't buyin' me"

If I was a fresh ass DJ I'd be like
If I was Jam Master J I'd be like
If I was a cheap clock radio I'd be like
"Tune that motherfucker in"

If I was Barry White I'd be like,"What up y'all?"
If I was nipple in the cold I'd be like
If I was your dead uncle I'd be like"
If I was a raindrop I'd just be like
And If I had an ax to your neck I might say,"Chop"

If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but you're killin' me
If I was, if I was, but you're killin' me

If I was a Faygo at one of our shows
I'd fly through the air into and ocean of juggalos
If I was Andre The Giant,"This is how I'd be talking"
If I was Father MC I'd be like,"Now what happened?"

If I was a mirror, I'd find another mirror
And look each other dead in the eye, crystal clear
If I was a slider I'd slide out your butt
I'd be floatin' in your toilet lookin' at you like,"What?"

If I was a pilot I'd be like,"This is air traffic control"
If I was John Denver I'd be like,"No"
If I was a switch I'd be like,"Flick me, yoo-hoo"
If I was a London cop car I'd be like,"Wee-oop wee-oop"

If I was Chewbacca I'd get a fresh ass fade
If I was Vanilla Ice I'd be like,"Fuck y'all, I'm still paid"
If I was a stop sign I'd just be like,"Stop"
If I was your wooden leg I'd still be givin' you the hip-hop

If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but you're killin' me
If I was, if I was, but you're killin' me
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be
If I was, if I was, but I'll never be