Artist: The Bonzo Dog Band
Song: big shot
I am the Big Shot
You heard me right the first time
Name of bachelor Johnny Cool
Occupation, Big Shot
Occupation at the moment, just having fun
What a party that was
The drinks were loaded
And so were the dolls
I narrowed my eyes and poured a stiff Manhattan
Then I saw Hotsie, what a dame
A big, bountiful babe in the region of 48-23-38
One hell of a region
She had the hottest lips since Hiroshima
I had to stand back for fear of being burned
Whiskey wow, wow, I breathed
She was dressed as before the bed
In that kind of outfit
She could get rolled at night
And I don't mean on a crap table
It's kind of revealing, isn't it?
Revealing? It's positively risk
I like it, she said
"You're a man with a thousand Gs, right?"
"A thousand what?" I quipped
"G-men, girls, guns, guts"
"You're my type"
"Wrong, baby", I slapped her hard
"I'm a L man, strictly liquor, love and laughs"
She stared over my shoulder
"Play it cool, Johnny" Play it what? I flipped
"Listen, I fought my way up from tough East Side New York
Lead filled saps and sub-machine guns, like this"
She said, "Johnny, this is a deadly game
Have a few laughs and go home"
I shuddered, normally I pack a rod in pajamas
I carry nothing but scars from Normandy beach
I said, "Wrong, baby, you can't fool me"
She spat playfully, "I'm ahead of you, Johnny"
I studied the swell of her enormous boobs and said
"Baby, you're so far ahead it's beautiful"
"You, you are, you are eccentric, I like that"
"Electric Cheri, bounce off my rocket, tout comprehend?"
We spoke French fluently, our lips met again and again
"Yeah, yeah, yeah", I slobbered
Hotsie said, "You're slobbering all over the seat, kid"
I went home late, very late
What could I say to M
